Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.


At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."


 Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.


A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.


Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."


Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in most countries, son."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."


 Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.


A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.


When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.


It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifiers: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."


After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."


Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.


When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.


A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" Asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".

1. The nice men are ugly

2. The handsome men are not nice

3. The handsome and nice men are gay

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money, have no money

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we’re only after their money

7. The handsome men without money are after our money
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don’t think we are beautiful enough

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice, and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice, and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!!!!

11. The men, who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with”